Losing someone dear to you is a pain that tugs on your heart strings so much that it aches and is nothing more than a silent scream for help.
Wanted to share a part of my life stitched to pain, loss and the experience of healing.
For the past three months, I have only been hearing about unfortunate deaths of people I knew or were related to the people I know. It was not just one or two but plenty which felt heart wrenching to hear. These things never cross our minds because we are all programmed to forget this tragic part of life. The part where we secretly fear losing our loved ones.
Just like the headlines of a daily newspaper, my dad would come home bearing news of people passing away almost every day. It honestly took a huge toll on me. *emotionally and mentally*
After losing my beloved uncle last year, I have been very sensitive to loss. I could not say goodbye or even attend his last rituals...I would feel pain as if someone was squeezing my insides and it would not stop until I cried. Tears flowing like an open tap leaving my eyes to swell for the next day. I used to wonder at those times... Why is it that when someone dies, they do not take their memories with them?
It was like a dark cloud constantly raining on my parade but instead of leaving, it decided to stay and rain even more. These negative thoughts would blister my brain everyday and leave me awake all night. People often say you should not worry about things that are not in your control. But can you stop the lingering thought of what if you never see them again or maybe if you had more to say than a goodbye? We take our time with loved ones granted and often wait for a next time. We forget to live in the moment because we think we can relive memories again tomorrow... but what if? What if there is no tomorrow....
We all are guilty of capturing memories and not living them. Taking pictures and saving them into our phone storage instead of taking a mind picture and saving it in our head. Love has now wound down to three words and many people choose to only express it on the 14th of Feb. What about the rest of the 364 days of the year? Talking to people has been simplified to apps but we tend to forget emotions and feelings and everything is just letters syllables words printed in black and white displayed on our bright digital screens.
Everyone has a story to share about their experience of loss. My father's story touches me the most. He lost his mom when he was just four and he lost his father a few months after I was born. He always tells us; "People do not realize what they have until they have lost it". My dad had huge plans of offering a luxurious life that my grandfather never experienced. To buy him a car, to live in an air-conditioned house and to spend lavishly without having to work. My dad never got the chance to make that happen and it devastated him. Made me realize that life is actually short but prolonged in our heads due to the certain memories we share with our loved ones.
Healing was hard. Taking all the scattered pieces of your heart and joining them back needed support and an extensive amount of love. I was lucky to have my family and friends to collect those scattered pieces and join them back after our loss. The process of healing was long and I often had to push all my sadness to the back of my head because moving on was the only option for a full-time university student like me.
It began by first accepting that this person is no longer with us and only their memories will live amongst everyone. Then it was trying to accept the fact that they are happy wherever they are and most importantly in peace with God. Constantly mourning and crying over death will not upset us but also upset the ones gone because the last thing they wanted to do was to inflict so much pain to the people they loved the most. Life goes on and despite the drags and tragic happenings... we should never forget to appreciate the people around us who love and will protect us no matter what.
So go up to your loved ones and embrace them in your arms.. tell them that you appreciate and love them because these are the moments that make a mark in life. Moments when you realize that nothing ever stays the same and that time is often divided into before this and after this....
It does not get better... It becomes different!
"You must celebrate life and not mourn death"
x PRAYA x
No comments